Opportunities for healing, renewal and growth
One of the greatest gifts in my life is the incredible friendships and relationships I have with so many different people. I am a people-focused person and I live in the world of possibilities. My Myers Briggs Personality Type is ENFJ, a person driven by high standards when it comes to understanding and caring about people; understanding, supporting and encouraging others.
I LOVE this about me and have no intention of changing!
That said, this highly people-focused way of living, often means that “people disappointments” (which are simply part of human nature) are very tough for me. It is easy for me to be rocked to my core by a people disappointment…sometimes to the point where I throw in the towel on me and play the victim.
A very wise man and mentor – O’Neal Hampton – told me in the beginning of this journey that “it would be the people disappointments that would challenge me the most on my way to better health and happiness.” Whether it be a simple disappointment, a hurtful lie or act, someone simply acting out of jealousy or competitiveness, or a larger hurt like a betrayal of trust. No matter. I took what O’Neal said to heart and have been observing my reactions during these past months to the “people disappointments” in my life. And, for better or worse, whoa, was O’Neal right! (Not surprisingly – 🙂
The tough news is that “people disappointments” are part of life — again, we are all human and we all make mistakes, often saying and doing hurtful or stupid things whether we want to or not. Some are tougher than others. Some are more intentional than others. And some, hurt way more than others. I have always tried to live my life with the utmost integrity, honesty and high values for how I treat and relate to people. Thus, I have never been afraid of putting myself out there and giving my all, including incredible intimacy and trust. This does mean that I get hurt more easily. And, when I do, I have learned that the old Lori just completely “threw herself under the bus.” Internalized the conflict, personalized it, and in the process often became a victim.
During the past 7 months, as I have worked to put myself first, things have changed. I have done a MUCH better job of working through people disappointments big and small. I have learned to hold people as humans who make mistakes and, perhaps most importantly, I have done a better job of keeping my reaction to the disappointment separate – something I choose. I can choose to be the victim and sabotage myself and my happiness, or I can choose to be happy and to move on. In control of my own destiny. Now, I am not saying this is easy! Heck no. But, these past months I have had plenty of opportunity to practice — practice forgiveness, practice choosing happiness, and often simply choosing not to get embroiled in the drama but rather chock it up as something I simply can’t control. Whew, can we just celebrate those accomplishments for a moment?!
As I determine how I want to live my life moving forward, this is how it has to be. Lori first, and a Lori not embroiled in drama she can’t control. Lori happy! So far, I am doing well. And this past week, an opportunity presented itself to take this work to the next level. To actually heal and renew myself and a lost relationship. And, I have to say, I am truly blessed that I was healthy enough to be open to this opportunity and grab hold. The payoff is great!
For me personally, the lesson is about learning to choose and direct my own happiness — even and especially in the face of some of the toughest people disappointments. It is a day-to-day challenge and a work in progress. But I thank the universe for the opportunity to learn the lesson and I am so glad I had the courage to grab hold and trust myself and the process.
“Today I am filled with love and gratitude for those people who are challenging me in my life. And I know that through love and gratitude, there is opportunity for ….”