Pursuing our goals without attaching worthiness
This morning I read a blog on Positively Positive titled “How to pursue goals without setting yourself up for disappointment.“ It caught my attention because I was about to log my results for the third week of our “In the Equation 2014 Challenge” as unsuccessful. I did not hit my goals this week. In fact, I struggled…a lot.
What’s interesting about this, is that I am NOT feeling unsuccessful or like a failure — meaning I have not attached my overall worthiness to the goal. Rather, I had a tough week. Some out of town travel, a girls weekend and some emotional upset made it extra tricky and I did not meet my goals this week. There is only one thing to do now, “restart!”
I am human. And the truth is, I’ve been struggling quite a bit lately to stay on track with my “In the Equation lifestyle goals” as I work through some personal emotional stress at a level that has challenged me more than anything in the last four years. But, I know the way. I’m not making excuses. And, after reading this blog this morning, I realize that my worthiness is not wrapped up in it.
That’s a a huge victory. And it was not always the case for me. So it makes me smile.
I’ve heard from many of you in the Challenge this past week who are also struggling and have asked for help to get back on track. For many of you that I’ve supported, worthiness is at the core. After all, this is a very personal thing pursuing your big dreams and goals — especially when they are health and wellness, weight loss goals. It doesn’t get a whole lot more personal than that.
So today, I offer Christine Hassler’s idea of HIGH INVOLVEMENT, and LOW ATTACHMENT. Check out the full blog here and let me know what YOU think.
What she says makes a ton of sense. And, it’s really challenging.
When I am in pursuit of a goal, I start with what I really, really want. Something that is really important to me. So there is naturally a pretty high level of attachment built in from the start. Then, I go all in — 100% all in — in pursuit of my goals. So, I find it pretty easy to become attached to the outcome I expect in my head.
And when my effort and determination far exceed the results, it is easy to get disappointed, discouraged, and down on myself. Often, this is when we want to throw in the towel and give up, right? Or worse, use it as evidence, we can’t do it or we’re not good enough. Trust me, I know those voices. I lived in this place for most of my adult life.
But what if there was a different way that allowed us to pursue our goals every bit as aggressively but just work on the detaching part so that the process becomes more important than the outcome? Hmmmm. Maybe try it and see if it works for you.
I found these quotes particularly useful and I agree:
- “Our external achievements do not define us. In fact if we allow them to, we have to keep raising the bar and enough will never feel like enough.”
- “The greatest blessings are truly discovered in the process of pursuing our goals rather than the product.”
- And finally, Christine says, “What matters most is love, connection, who are you are in the process.” I would add, how you show up and what you learn about yourself in the process. That can often make all the difference.
High involvement, low attachment — I’m going to experiment with it myself this week — the final week of our In the Equation 2014 Challenge. How are you doing? Does this resonate with you? Talk to me. Tell me what you think. And maybe, what you’ve learned in the process.
Read related blogs: