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Posts tagged ‘compassion’

Setting healthy boundaries…harder than it seems

In theory, we know as intelligent humans that setting personal boundaries is a form of self-love and self-respect. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to execute!

This morning, I had two situations that required me to set a healthy boundary with two different people that I truly care for. In doing so, I learned both how important it is, and that I’m not all that good at it — yet! I consider myself an active work in progress.

Does anyone else struggle to set healthy boundaries, even if you feel you have self-love and respect?

For me, it feels necessary to set boundaries and communicate them to those I am in (or want to be actively in) relationship with — yet it’s still uncomfortable and a bit unsettling in practice. This is probably because I didn’t set boundaries for much of my adult life. Indeed, I’m still learning the art of execution. But, I am becoming clearer about what those boundaries are for me personally (and that’s a win). Progress not perfection. Read more

The first Christmas without Dad

Honoring my Dad who gave me the gift of health & more!

Today would have been my Dad’s 77th birthday. He died on Dec. 3rd this year, just three weeks before Christmas and his birthday, and after a sudden bought with Meningitis followed by an official diagnosis of Lewy Body disease.

When I spent the day with my Dad on Aug. 5, he was seemingly strong and resilient, like always. Days later he was hospitalized in ICU with delirium and a dangerously high fever. He never really came back to us after that day and he never went back home. Dad spent the final months of his life in and out of the nursing home, hospital, memory care, and finally hospice. It was only four months from the time he got sick until we lost him.

As I turned on the computer this morning to write, I wasn’t sure what this blog had to do with health and well-being — or even if it would be published. But I knew I needed to write. I now realize the message is powerful — for me and perhaps for you — and it has almost everything to do with health and well-being. Read more

Finding my strong on the mountaintop

Can you be strong when your world falls apart?

As I awoke to the morning sunlight streaming across the ocean and into the bedroom window, I was reminded that Hurricane Irma had just hit my life. Sadness set in before the sleep was out of my eyes. How can you be strong when it feels as if your whole world has just fallen apart? I’ve survived some tough stuff, but I’m not sure I know how to do so while being strong.

I got out of bed and made my way outside to the wrap-around porch to drink my morning coffee and watch the tide slowly roll out, exposing the sea life on the ocean floor. Will those critters survive this tidal change, I wondered? What do they do when they become exposed and are gasping for air?

As I sit rather zombie-like starring out at the sea, I feel sad, mad, worried, empty, scared, tired, overly emotional, and…more. Feelings too exhausting to think about. And yet I find myself preoccupied with one question — what does it look like to be strong when the world as you know it is changing forever and not by choice? When bad things and challenging times pummel you with gale-force speed like an unforgiving Hurricane batters the shore, and you can’t fix it or change it.

This is not the first time I’ve been pummeled, of course, but this feels like the worst pummeling ever. (Most of the details don’t matter to the story — we all have times we experience this). What strikes me today is that I don’t think I’ve ever pondered this question in the midst of a pummeling.

Rather, I’ve wallowed, cried, complained, and suffered alone in my hurt and pain — drowning it with work, food, alcohol — and hiding from the outside world. And when other people experienced pain and suffering — I was the first one to show up. I gave, and gave and gave at the expense of myself, trying to fix it.

None of this feels right to me now. None of it fits my new Lori-in-the-equation life. And yet the pull to go back to bed and bury my head in the covers is strong. The pull to eat everything in sight — even stronger! I have a lot of experience with that.

But perhaps this is the next evolution of transformation for me. An opportunity to find my strongest and best self and learn to cope with “hard,” while loving and giving to her. So, I get curious again.

Can you be strong when your world falls apart? Read more

Does every cloud have a silver lining?

Reflections on a tough year and impending holiday. Not the blog I wanted or expected to write.

“Every cloud has a silver lining.” What does that mean, I wondered as a friend said those words in an attempt to comfort my heavy heart? Where did that phrase come from? While I get the spirit of it — there’s a bright side to every situation — it made me wonder if I really believed it.

Sometimes it feels impossible to imagine that even the worst situations have some positive aspect — especially when you are in the throws of it. Like when  your heart is heavy and your spirit broken. When things seem so bleak that you can’t find your way out. When you’re in physical and/or emotional pain that feels unbearable. When it seems as if the world is swirling out of control around you. Or, when something bad has happened to someone (or a whole bunch of someones) you love, and you can’t fix it.

And when this happens at the holidays, it feels even worse because there is so much anticipation and expectation around this time of year. For me, and many that I love, this is how we are feeling as we enter the holidays of 2016.

Yet as I process through it in writing this blog, I  realize that as incredibly tough as this past year and the impending holidays seem right now, I have not lost heart or hope. I just feel sad. My heart is heavy.

(Stick with me, it gets better, I promise!) Read more

Operation Self-Care!

Good for mind, body and soul

ITE_everything_QuoteBHappy Monday, peeps! This week I’m taking a self-care time out. For those of you in need, I hope this inspires you to join me.

After a week that brought a major family health crisis, a business trip out of state, and the emotional stress that comes along with the combo, I’ve decided to give myself a blogging break to put my time and energy where it is most needed and to practice complete self-care. Read more

Love. It starts with you.

Tips for beginning to walk toward self-love and acceptance

self-loveSomewhere along my path of personal transformation, I’ve found a self-love and acceptance that brings me peace, joy and a centeredness that grounds me every day. I now love and accept myself exactly as I am — imperfections and all. For real. And that means I am more patient and kind to myself, more forgiving and gentle. And I’ve opened myself up to all kinds of other amazing love as a result.

The coolest part of this is that I’ve traveled here from almost the exact opposite end of the spectrum. From a place of almost unconscious, undetected struggle inside to ever be good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, strong enough, sexy enough…

Yep, I came from a place that often allowed self-loathing to this amazing new place where I have a deep sense of self-respect, self-care and self-love. There’s a new, stronger and beautiful voice inside me that is able to counter and drown out (most of the time) my inner critic.

This was NOT an easy thing! It was not a one-time event. I can’t even tell you exactly when or how it happened for me. I just know that along the way of my external transformation to lose 200+ lbs, all the while working internally on recognizing, quieting and then changing my internal voice, I literally found myself. My beautiful, amazing, resilient and loving self! Read more

Wishing you love, joy and sparkle…

…and a Happy, Healthy New Year with YOU in the equation!

ITE_Holiday_Quote2_sqI love this time of year for many reasons. My favorite is that I get to tell everyone I care about how much they mean to me. Today, it’s your turn!

It’s been quite a year at In the Equation. Last January, I had the opportunity to share my transformation story on NBC TV’s The Biggest Loser, and our community instantly grew. Many of you reached out for help and each one of your stories has touched me.

Throughout the year, I met many more of you at speeches in Minnesota and in Maine, and conversed online with others from across the country — from Nantucket, to Tennessee, to Texas, to California. We all share the goal of putting ourselves in the equation — ensuring our health, happiness, and well-being. We are learning that by taking care of ourselves, we are also better for others in our lives.

Today, I want you to know that you have touched me. I am grateful for you. YOU matter! This is my personal wish for you this seasonRead more

Self-compassion is not selfish

It’s necessary!

lori-mountainclimbinggirlAnyone reading this have trouble with self-compassion? Yep, that’s what I thought.

As human beings we’re wired for compassion. We often give it freely to others. Sometimes, we desire/expect it back from others. But rarely are we comfortable giving it to ourselves.

I used to think that self-compassion and self-care as a priority were selfish. I lived my life doing everything for everyone else and I wasn’t EVEN IN the equation of my own life. I was the hamster on the wheel spinning like a crazy person and feeling there was never enough of me to go around — and I weighed 381 lbs! Read more

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