What to do with this heavy heart

Life happens and it is not always rosy. I am learning how to hold myself in the equation and be gentle when that is the case. When life throws us curve balls and there is nothing we can do but control how we react.

Lately, I have a heavy heart after a triple whammy of news of personal loss, and deep pain and struggle for those very close to me. Losing an Aunt, a friend, and now news of the parent of a close friend diagnosed with terminal cancer – all within the last couple of weeks. I find my emotions mixed, and like my friends who are directly affected, I am trying to make sense of it all.

It turns out, that is wasted energy. There is no making sense of it. We don’t understand the grand plan and I believe that’s why we have faith. Though sometimes it is very difficult. I am learning in these moments that one day at a time and learning to be kind and gentle with myself and others is the key. To allow the feelings of anger, sadness and helplessness in and let them wash over me. And then to look for the opportunities to be close to those I love who are experiencing pain and sadness on a whole different level.

Today, I am pissed at Cancer. This quote – which I discovered when another close friend of mine died years ago – helps some. Today, I hold my friends close and support them in ways that work for them. And, I take care of myself by not using food, work, or even caretaking, as coping mechanisms for the sadness, loss and grief I am experiencing. Today, I am learning to let the feelings wash over me and to find positive outlets for something that is inevitable in life. So far, so good.

My heart goes out to my dear friends Cindy and Jim. I continue to hold you both close – you and your families are in my thoughts and prayers, and I send gentle thoughts for love, strength, courage and peace in the memories in the coming days and months.

It is all part of life. The tough part. And even on the toughest of days, life is good. And Cancer will NOT win. The antidote is love and hope and it is stronger than any crazy disease.