Tears on the way to the gym…
Just marking this spot in the journey and asking my “lions” to support me in getting through this phase of the work. NOTE: I will not be inspirational in this blog!
I am having to fight for it pretty hard right now and I am so tired. Soooooo tired.
Fought through some major hunger pains and strong desire to go off plan last night; had to fight for the late night cardio in the gym after a long work day; and this morning had to fight through major feelings of wanting to throw in the towel when the scale was flat after all this frickin’ hard work.
It was tough to get out of bed, but I admit I lost it when I got on the scale. Tears a flowing, I forced myself to get to the gym for my early morning workout only to find the gym packed and cardio machines full. Really?! So I drove to the lake and power walked my beloved Como, ran some hills and cried as the sun rose on a gorgeous day encouraging me to get over it. (I did notice the geese squawking for joy over open water and managed to say hi to the countless men walking solo around the lake as I lapped them all!)
Gradually, things started to become clearer and I sent up a prayer for some help to continue walking the path.
Admittedly, the tears are coming pretty regularly today and I feel a bit blindsided by it all. I think am just tired. I am ready to be at goal and move on to the next phase. It has been a long journey to the top of the mountain and I just need to be there.
This week is perhaps the toughest I will have, I hope. More than two hours per day in the gym scheduled around running a business that needs me and not enough food. I am depleted emotionally and fatigued both from the week and the journey as a whole.
If the scale had gone down today after executing this plan at 110+%, I might feel differently. But to work this hard and fight to hold it all at 100+% and then have a flat scale…well, it does not make me a happy camper. Of course, I know this is about SO MUCH more than the number, but tell my head that today.
And so I put one foot in front of the other and journey into the day knowing this too shall pass. And all I can think is – are we done yet?
P.S. I have a feeling more tears and a little drama will be involved in working through this. Thanks for your love and support.